Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Goodnight

It’s night time now
and I can see shadows
swirling through
the concrete walls
everywhere.
I can feel my toes
against the sheets
and the blanket
on my chest
and the cool night air
creeping through
the open window
by my head.
I can hear a truck
changing gears
down the road
maybe the driver
is listening
to the late show
on Capital Radio
and thinking
about his girlfriend
and his little boy
back home.
I can hear you
sleeping
next to me
and realise
there is
nowhere else
I’d rather be.
That’s how
lucky
I am.

(by Jean-Michel K.)

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really like the clear descriptions you give.

Brian Miller said...

hot...love that you described everything around and then brought it back home...no, no where else i would rather be either...nice one shot!

Steve Isaak said...

Sweet, loving work. It got a little abstract and rambly near th end (the parts with the truck and the radio), but otherwise you nailed it.

Forgive me if I sound critical, it's meant in a constructive, respectful, honest, possibly-make-you-a-better-writer way. . . some writer groups tend to fawn way too much on their authors, and that doesn't help ANYBODY, does it?

You have good work here, a few line cuts would make it perfect. Ultimately, it's your work, though, so I'm not offended if you ignore/decide against my suggestions.

Always a pleasure, my friend. :)

Desert Rose said...

tenderly touchy..sweet description and great ending..passionate one shot.:)

Anonymous said...

Humbly I agree with Steve. Yet I do think that this is a beautiful piece as a whole. Love and Light, Sender

Dulçe ♥ said...

Oh how sweet this is... wanting no where else to be...
that's happiness, that's peace
;)

Shashidhar Sharma said...

Jean.. very nice one.. thanks

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog: http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

dustus said...

Enjoyed your poem and tend to agree with Steve's feedback. Nice job!

Anonymous said...

Very very sweet... :) ~April

tuberider said...

Hi everyone, thanks for the comments and the critical feedback. It's very helpful. Cheers.

Belinda said...

Way to bring it home! Who wouldn't want a poem like this written about them?! Awesome one shot.

Mona said...

Indeed. There is no place like home with your loved ones!

Marshy said...

a great one shot share...cheers pete